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Hating everything you make: Another vent
Literally what the title is. It's a vent. Feel free to ignore this, I'll be fine by tomorrow or something. It's tough, you know. It's difficult to even put this feeling into the proper words, but it feels awful. You're working on something, and you've put hours on it and it just looks awful, hot garbage, downright mental torture to even look at. You can't even put into words WHAT about it is bothering you, but there's just something about whatever you're drawing/modelling/etc that makes you frustrated to even look at it. It's me lately. There's always something bothering me, always something that I hate about it. And that, combined with the feeling of looking at something and going "well, you wasted your time on this that could've been better spent doing something better" doesn't make it easier. Everyone around you improves 10x faster, everyone around you learns things 10x faster, meanwhile you feel like you've finally hit your max and that you're not getting any better after years.
New Year, New hopes...?
So, 2024. I confess, I've had increasingly smaller and smaller hopes, aspirations and plans for each new year. Let's just say that the period that, since 2018, each year has been increasingly horrible, but the nightmarish period that was 2020 to 2023, and the stress, the horrible experiences, feelings, surgeries and inner turmoils that happened during those 3 specific years...let's just say that they broke me, and I haven't been able to glue the pieces together again. So with 2024, I have zero hopes, positivity or good feelings for the new year, specially with Japan already going through a gigantic earthquake and tsunami. But i suppose that's not ALL disasters, at least with me? Christmas was alright, and so was a birthday celebrated yesterday. And something finally DID happen! At the last days of 2023, I landed myself an actual JOB as an AutoCAD sketcher!.........Yeah, ironically, I went to college for 4 years, studying a wide variety of programs, skills and graduated just last
Rising from the dead again
Wow umm The last time I uploaded a journal update was over 3 years ago. Certainly explains all the spider webs stuck to the place here....I wonder how many of you are still following me or have become skeletons by now... Guessing I owe some explanations? Firstly, no I'm not dead! (Which you'd know if you follow the fact that i'm still uploading stuff!) I swear I feel that i start all my last journal entries with saying that i'm not dead...But you're probably wondering: "But Battles! If you're not dead, why have I never seen any of your posts? Are you just a robot uploading stuff and then disappearing??" Well, to that I say: the explanation is quite simple, for i'm just not a journal person. A ton has been happening in the background, but I just...don't find it worth sharing in journal entries, or that nobody will wanna hear my thoughts. Yes, the reason for my silence is as simple as that. But since I'm sharing my thoughts now, let's get down to business, starting with content.
Battles, Where the fuck are you now?
So.....I have been silent. No status updates, comments, faves, barely even an upload of pictures! I guess i might as well go for the news.
-No, i'm not dead. At least last i checked. I've just been very busy, mostly with college stuff and also with figuring out what the fuck is gonna be happening with my life in the future. I'll be 22 in a month, and everytime I have a birthday, I can't help but realize "God, i'm such an old man.", and i need to get some sort of income before college is done OR before i become 24, cuz i'll loose my health plan and will need to start paying it myself. Complicated Bureaucracy that none of you either care or ne
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