battlestoriesfan

Literally what the title is. It's a vent. Feel free to ignore this, I'll be fine by tomorrow or something.

It's tough, you know. It's difficult to even put this feeling into the proper words, but it feels awful. You're working on something, and you've put hours on it and it just looks awful, hot garbage, downright mental torture to even look at. You can't even put into words WHAT about it is bothering you, but there's just something about whatever you're drawing/modelling/etc that makes you frustrated to even look at it.

It's me lately. There's always something bothering me, always something that I hate about it. And that, combined with the feeling of looking at something and going "well, you wasted your time on this that could've been better spent doing something better" doesn't make it easier. Everyone around you improves 10x faster, everyone around you learns things 10x faster, meanwhile you feel like you've finally hit your max and that you're not getting any better after years. Then you start second guessing yourself and wandering if, somewhere along the way, you didn't end up picking the wrong path and that maybe you're not suited for this. The idea to just quit and go pick a job that you hate like every normal human being.

That's it, that's the post. You may proceed with your daily lives, I just needed to vent some pressure before the volcano exploded.

So, 2024.

I confess, I've had increasingly smaller and smaller hopes, aspirations and plans for each new year. Let's just say that the period that, since 2018, each year has been increasingly horrible, but the nightmarish period that was 2020 to 2023, and the stress, the horrible experiences, feelings, surgeries and inner turmoils that happened during those 3 specific years...let's just say that they broke me, and I haven't been able to glue the pieces together again. So with 2024, I have zero hopes, positivity or good feelings for the new year, specially with Japan already going through a gigantic earthquake and tsunami.

But i suppose that's not ALL disasters, at least with me? Christmas was alright, and so was a birthday celebrated yesterday. And something finally DID happen! At the last days of 2023, I landed myself an actual JOB as an AutoCAD sketcher!.........Yeah, ironically, I went to college for 4 years, studying a wide variety of programs, skills and graduated just last year....and none of those skills ever landed me any jobs...but rather the thing that I didn't even study for. Yeah, life sometimes has a sick sense of humor.

I guess what i'm trying to say with this endless ramble is that...while I don't have any hopes, aspirations or goals for 2024 besides just survive and not go further into insanity, we can't just give up and let the world steamroll us. We can never truly know what will happen; for all we know, 2024 could be the turning point to many of us. So let's see what's going to happen. Prepare for the Worst, but Hope for the Best. That's what my father always says.

Godspeed, you weird salamanders. We got another year to go through!

Wow umm

The last time I uploaded a journal update was over 3 years ago. Certainly explains all the spider webs stuck to the place here....I wonder how many of you are still following me or have become skeletons by now...

Guessing I owe some explanations? Firstly, no I'm not dead! (Which you'd know if you follow the fact that i'm still uploading stuff!) I swear I feel that i start all my last journal entries with saying that i'm not dead...But you're probably wondering: "But Battles! If you're not dead, why have I never seen any of your posts? Are you just a robot uploading stuff and then disappearing??" Well, to that I say: the explanation is quite simple, for i'm just not a journal person. A ton has been happening in the background, but I just...don't find it worth sharing in journal entries, or that nobody will wanna hear my thoughts. Yes, the reason for my silence is as simple as that.

But since I'm sharing my thoughts now, let's get down to business, starting with content. Firstly, I've multiplied to A LOT of new places. This account remains the most up to date archive of all of my content (because I don't have the mental fortitude to upload ELEVEN YEARS of content to 6 other accounts), but now you can find me in places like Mastodon, Twitter, Inkblot, Youtube, Gumroad... My linktree are on my "About" Section, but the link's here anyway! https://linktr.ee/battlestoriesfan

I've been working with animations (2d, 3d and mixed), 3d models of characters, props and scenes and all manner of illustrations. I've even been doing fanart more often! So yeah, give my other accounts a look, you may just find something you enjoy and hopefully you'll stick around!

On other news, I have a Patreon now! Not just a patreon but a Ko-Fi as well, but I do prefer Patreon more. Don't fear, because I don't intend to start paywalling ALL my content. But if you like my content and want to support me, do give these a look, because I do offer some exclusive treats there. You'll be able to find much higher resolution uploads, alternate versions and renders, Behind-the-scenes Sketches and Animations. Give My patreon and my ko-fi a look if you want to, I'd really appreciate it. https://www.patreon.com/battlestoriesfan https://ko-fi.com/battlestoriesfan

I also created a couple commission widgets on this account, in case you want to commission me but don't have paypal for some reason. Hey, you never know! Sometimes its good to be as prepared as one can be. I'm working on a little website of my own for the full commission information, prices and rules as we speak, but you can still commission me and note me for discussions regarding it!

Ok, I think that's it? There were more stuff to talk about. I didn't even mention the fact that I'm technically a cyborg now, because my spine now has 6 titanium screws, 2 titanium rods and 2 prosthetics between some of my vertebrae (hernias are not fun, folks. Watch your backs literally), or all the manner of existential stress crisis I've been dealing with in the background or all manner of problematic political turmoil in my country (but frankly, who wants to know about that?), but most of it is a bit too personal to share...but What was important, i've posted here. Sorry for technically going radio silent, but I just forget that journals are even a thing! But I hope this helps ease some of the tension, and let's keep on going and working. Time stops for nobody!